I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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