As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Then you guys just all showered together...?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize