i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
