Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
