the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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