so that wasnt chicken after all
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found your dick twin last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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