I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
