Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize