Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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