Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
