idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
