Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
