so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
