My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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