I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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