just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
