there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
