Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
