He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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