I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
