i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
