Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
