You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
