I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
