Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
