i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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