the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
