I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
