Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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