problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
