Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
