Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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