He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
