I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
