I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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