her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
