Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
