What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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