he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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