The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
