I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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