areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
