no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
