Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
