Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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