we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize