nut hugger
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
