I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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