none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
