Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
