Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
