So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I smell like Dick and happiness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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