The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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