If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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