How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
