A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
