I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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