you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
