did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
