Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My life is pants optional.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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