you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
