new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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