do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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