so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
