We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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