there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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