White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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